Ryan Radio has been made aware by a regional authority that due to growing concern over the corona virus, flu, west Nile virus and other sickness, all crime is cancelled. Anyone planning to commit a crime is advised to stay at home for the benefit of their health. The situation is under continuous monitoring. There is no determination of when this cancellation will be canceled.

(Disclaimer: source is valid from a northern authority so add some southern seasoning, yuh.)

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